I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
