Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
