I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
