to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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