I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
