from now on my penis is your penis
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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