it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
