My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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