I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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