i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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