I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
