I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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