So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so explain again why im purple
no
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
