Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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