dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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