I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
