Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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