A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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