I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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