Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
