$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
