well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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