do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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