you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
