I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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