I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
