New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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