I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
