Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
