Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
