just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
