you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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