My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
