what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
