the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How's work?
Spinning.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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