i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
