I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
