hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
