my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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