so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize