Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
two words...techno handjob
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
