I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
