Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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