Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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