wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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