Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
