do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
