It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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