Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
