Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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