I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
