He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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