just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
