They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
