I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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