I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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