I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
