update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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