There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
