Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
