I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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