piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize