I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
