I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I would ride that face into the sunset
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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