Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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