tell your sister to shave her snatch
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
