I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
