I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
