You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
