Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
