I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
