I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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