For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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