I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
